Fading Back
by brookeb303
Summary: After a self-inflicted accident in his cell, Grant Ward loses his memory. He doesn't remember S.H.I.E.L.D., Hydra, or any of the people he betrayed. The team has no choice but to allow him to come back and help him recover. As Skye spends more time with him, she learns more about the man she thought she hated.
1. Chapter 1

**So here's my new Skyeward story! This can either serve as a one-shot or the first of many chapters, depending on what you guys think. The POV will change throughout, just as a way to better understand the characters actions and stuff. If the story continues, there will be hints of other ships (Fitzsimmons, Huntingbird, Philinda) So read away and let me know what you think!**

**Disclaimer: All of these characters belong to Marvel.**

Skye wasn't sure why she was being called into Coulson's office, but she knew it was never a good thing. Lately, nothing was a good thing, though.

S.H.I.E.L.D. was done. Skye didn't know what exactly that meant, but she knew it wasn't the cause of the hollow feeling in her chest. Fitz was awake, however that wasn't necessarily a good thing either. He was physically awake, but his mind wasn't. His thoughts were scattered, his words came out with difficulty. It wasn't exactly like Simmons was around to help. She was out on a mission. Skye tried to get her to say why she volunteered to leave, but she got no answer. Skye wondered if it was just too painful to stay. But still, she was certain that they weren't the reason for the hollowness in her chest. Sure, she was devastated about the state of her friends. She hardly slept anymore just worrying about them. She never sat in the lounge area anymore because it was too quiet without them chattering away about something she didn't understand. But if anyone could overcome a challenge, it was those two geniuses. No, Skye knew the reason she felt empty.

That reason was Grant Ward; The Monster in Their Basement. She hadn't seen him since the guards had escorted him down there. Well, technically she'd never seen him, not the real him. She'd always been looking at a mask, a mask that looked like a trustworthy agent, a supportive SO, a perfect boyfriend.

Yeah, that had all come crumbling down pretty quickly.

So she wasn't sure why Coulson had called her in. She'd sat across from him for a few minutes in silence, watching as he tried to pick his words.

Finally, he took a deep breath. "There's been an… accident."

Skye felt her breath catch in her throat. "Is it Simmons? Did something happen undercover?"

"No, no, she's fine," he said quickly. "Everyone who is currently on our team is fine."

She breathed a sigh of relief, before the rest of what he'd said set in. "Currently. That's a very exclusive word."

"It's Ward."

Skye immediately stood to leave, momentarily pretending to forget how much authority he had over her.

"Skye, wait." He was on his feet too but he didn't move from behind his desk.

She paused but didn't turn around. "I don't care about him." She realized how childish and untrue that sounded, so she tried again. "I don't need to hear what's happening with him. I just want to forget."

Coulson's tone softened. "If everything wasn't so crappy around here, I'd actually laugh at the irony of that statement. Ward lost his memory."

Skye sighed and sat back down. Coulson did as well.

"I know you want to try to put him in the past, and him living in our basement makes that rather difficult, but you were close to him. We don't have many other resources right now, and I think you could be useful."

Skye's face remained unchanged. "What happened to him?" she asked through clenched teeth.

"It was self inflicted." Her stomach dropped. She tried to ignore it, she tried to pretend she wasn't affected, but that sentence hurt. "Ever since he's been in that cell, he's been hurting himself. At first we thought it was nothing, just a way of manipulating us to let him out. When it continued and got worse, we realized we needed to make some changes. We had just lined up a psychologist for him to speak with, when…"

"What did he do?" She forced the tears out of her eyes. She was so angry with him for making her feel this way after everything he'd done to her.

"He ran full speed at a cement wall."

She involuntarily gasped, and her hand went to her mouth.

"I know, no matter what has happened between you and Ward and him and the rest of this team, that this information is not pleasant. You can still be angry with him and be upset that he's hurt."

She tried to pretend she wasn't upset. She forced herself to ignore Coulson's caring tone, and shoved all of her emotions down as far as they would go. She cleared her throat and used her most professional agent voice. "What would I be useful for?"

"For starters, I need someone to go talk to him. The doctors say he is stable but confused, and judging from the way he's barely speaking, he's pretty scared. We're not sure how far back his memory was wiped, so we believe it would be best if I waited to talk to him. There's that chance he will know who I am from when Garrett was training him to infiltrate S.H.I.E.L.D., and I'd prefer to avoid that route and maybe see the real Grant Ward." He must have been able to read Skye's expression, because he answered her question before she even voiced it. "You were able to connect to him the moment you met him. From that first time in the interrogation room, there was something there, and whatever it was, maybe he will find it again."

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Skye hesitated outside the door. She was touching the handle, but was making no attempt at actually opening the door. She looked around and saw a S.H.I.E.L.D. nurse sitting behind a desk.

"He definitely has no memory, right? You guys are really good at making sure he isn't faking?" She knew she sounded dumb, but the thought of going in there and pretending to be nice and caring while Ward was sitting there all superior while getting another good laugh at S.H.I.E.L.D made her see red.

"Yes, dear. Our tests are very accurate," the nurse said condescendingly.

She opened the door and went inside if only to avoid further embarrassment.

There he was, sitting on the edge of the bed in a room in the infirmary. His elbows were on his knees, he had a full beard, and he was tapping his feet lightly. She knew it was him, but she'd never seen Ward look so uneasy.

"Hello…Grant," she said so quietly she wondered if he'd even heard her. She could feel herself fidgeting awkwardly but she couldn't stop.

He looked at her for a long time, studying her. She wondered what he was thinking, and then she told herself it didn't matter. Finally, he looked away. "Who are you?"

"Don't you know who I am?" she asked, allowing herself one more moment of skepticism.

"I don't know who anyone is," he said as if it should be so blatantly obvious that she shouldn't have had to ask. "Am I allowed to leave?"

"My name is Skye."

"Do we know each other?"

Skye took a step towards him and then immediately stepped right back. Whether this was the Ward she knew or not, she shouldn't get too close. "Do you know where you are right now?"

"A hospital," he answered simply, keeping his eyes on his clasped hands in front of him.

"Actually, not exactly."

"Damn, I thought that would be the easy question."

Skye almost smiled, and then caught herself. "You don't seem as… shaken up, as I'd expect someone in your position to be."

He just shrugged. Skye wondered what that was about. She ignored it and walked over to the table that held his chart. She picked up the clipboard and pretended to understand all of the medical words to try to look like she was important.

"So, Grant, what's the last thing you remember?"

"Nothing."

"I see you've always had a way with words," Skye muttered, remembering how closed off he had been when she first arrived on The Bus. "Do you remember going to school as a child? What about high school?"

He nodded.

She felt like she was pulling teeth. "Okay, what about your first sip of alcohol? Do you remember turning 21?"

"Yes."

"How about-"

He stood up. "Look, I remember being an adult. I remember my life. I just… It's like I went to sleep one night, one random Tuesday or something. It was a day where nothing noteworthy happened so I just went peacefully to sleep, and then I woke up here, where no one will tell me anything or let me leave."

"Alright, we can work with that. Would you mind if I asked you about some specific people now?"

He ran a hand down his face and took his seat once more. "Depends on the people."

She took a deep breath and tried not to think about how terrified she was to ask her next question; the question that could trigger something terrible and send everything crashing down. "Do you know somebody named Garrett?"

"John? Yes, I know him! Is he here?" he asked with the most emotion he'd spoken in since she'd arrived.

"What about Hydra?" she asked quickly.

He looked confused. "From Greek mythology?"

"Does the name Phil Coulson sound familiar?

He stood up and took a few steps toward her. Skye was very aware that the last time they had been this close she had been luring him in so that May could take him down.

"Why do I have to answer your questions if you don't answer any of mine?" His voice was on edge, as if he had been thinking the same thing she was.

She wanted to yell, "Because you pushed Fitzsimmons into the ocean! Because the people you were working for shot me! Because you betrayed me and everyone here and you let me get close to you!" She was afraid if she even opened her mouth all of those words would come spilling out. So instead she clenched her fists and turned to leave.

"No, I don't know who Phil Coulson is," she heard him reluctantly say as she shut the door.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"He seems…weird," Skye said as she stood in front of Coulson's desk.

He looked at her with raised eyebrows. "Your official write up on Grant Ward is that he seems weird?"

"_Ex-Agent_ Grant Ward's memory isn't so black and white," Skye tried to explain better, making sure to emphasize that Ward was no longer on their time as she began her report. "He says he remembers his childhood, his teenage years, and some of his adulthood. There isn't one specific moment when everything goes blank."

"The doctors suspected as much," Coulson noted as he sat back in his chair. "Which is why I wanted you to find out more about where his allegiances lie in his current state."

"With Garrett," she said quickly, hoping this would convince Coulson to drop whatever he was planning. There would be no use working with Ward if he still saw Garrett as his leader. "He hadn't heard of you."

"So he remembers Hydra? What did he say?"

"Well, not exactly. When I mentioned Hydra he thought I was talking about Greek mythology. He still likes to show off how smart he is, that hasn't changed."

"Hm," was all Coulson said. He appeared deep in thought, but Skye saw a small smile playing at his lips and it made her nervous.

Before Skye could question it, he told her to wait in her office.

"Hello, Grant. My name is Phil Coulson." He offered his hand, and Ward stood to shake it. "I'm here to tell you more about your current situation, and what's to come."

"So I'll be getting more out of you than the grumpy girl who just interrogated me?"

"Skye is… still getting used to this. She knew you before the accident."

"Did I do something to make her angry with me?"

Coulson wondered why Grant had been so quiet for the doctors and, seemingly, Skye. He just smiled. "I'm sure there will be time for you and her to discuss things. Now, you told her you don't remember the exact moment you lost your memory, correct?"

Ward nodded. Coulson realized it would take some time getting used to him not acting like an agent. Grant doesn't know that he should be addressing Coulson as "sir", that was a Ward thing.

"Like I said, there was an accident," Coulson started. He pulled up a chair, and Grant sat back on the edge of his bed. "You hit your head on a wall, and when we found you, you were unconscious," he explained, telling him only the basic facts about his situation. He figured there was no need for him to hear that he was a suicidal prisoner from a complete stranger.

"Who is _we_? Who are you people?"

"We're agents specializing in peacekeeping, you could say. We act as spies, defenders, you name it."

"Why were a group of agents the people who found me?"

"Well, I guess it's fair to tell you that you used to work with us."

"Used to? What hap-"

"Classified."

"If I _used_ to work here, why was I here when I had the accident?"

Coulson sighed. "You were helping us with something. That's all I'm comfortable sharing right now. As time goes on, you'll know more."

He was annoyed, Coulson knew, but in typical Ward fashion, he clenched his jaw and moved forward. "So does that mean I'll be staying here for a while? Wherever here is."

"Oh, I think that's necessary," Coulson said as he stood up and walked to the window, which was covered with a shade that was locked for patients' safety. "You see, "here" is a bit of a temporary term for us. You can't leave because, well, see for yourself." He pressed a code into the window and the shade went up, revealing clouds and a couple thousand feet distancing them from the ground.

Grant got up and walked over to the window in a trance. "I have a million questions."

"I can probably answer like, six of them."

"Do I have to stay in this room?"

"No, you'll be moved into the basement temporarily until we have a bunk prepared for you."

Skye stood in a line with all of the agents currently onboard as Coulson caught everyone up to speed on what was happening with Ward.

"The information Skye gathered confirmed what I've been pondering ever since Ward's true purpose here was revealed. He wasn't loyal to Hydra, just the man behind it; the man who saved him and cared for him and was Ward's only real permanent guardian in his life."

"Your tone is making me think you've forgotten that Ward was our prisoner last week," Hunter said, looking around to see if he was the only one who thought their director appeared to have lost his mind.

"Exactly. Why does this information matter? The dude killed people," Trip pointed out.

"Because he was serving Garrett. He wanted him to be proud, in a way. When kids win an award at school, what do they do? They run home to show their parents. When Ward successfully infiltrated us, he waited for Garrett to praise him. We all know about Ward's childhood. I'm sure that had some affect on his behavior."

There was a silence as everyone realized they couldn't argue, not only because Coulson called the shots, but because he was right.

"Where….where is he…where's he right now?" Fitz asked.

"He's in the basement."

"Oh, why didn't you start with that? If he's still locked away in his cell, I have no complaints!" Skye said happily.

"I guess I should have continued. He's in the basement until we can get a bunk prepared for him.

Chaos erupted. Everyone knew whatever Coulson said was to be done, and he could have silenced the room at the drop of the hat, but for the moment, he let them carry on.

"I mean, we can't just be expected to forget everything, right May?" Skye asked. Suddenly the room went silent. Somehow, amongst all the noise, everyone had heard that, and it seemed they had been waiting for May's opinion all along.

May, who hadn't moved from the spot she had been standing in since Coulson had called them in, took a deep breath and kept her eyes fixed on their director. "The Grant Ward we know is, for the time being, gone. There's no need to punish his ghost, _or_ question our orders."

Coulson looked at his agents, smiling, waiting for them to try to continue their fight. One by one, they looked away, and Coulson's smile grew bigger.

"Now then, you've all had the opportunity to whine, so we will not be having any more discussions on Grant Ward. You are to welcome him as you would any other new agent. You're all excused."

Skye walked out with her arms crossed, looking around at her peers to see if anyone was still on her side. She got shrugs in return. She sighed and headed for her bunk, longing for her computer and her door shut and locked.

She walked into her room, shut the door, and then opened it again. Surely she hadn't seen moving boxes. Surely they wouldn't put him that close.

But sure enough, in the room right next door to hers, was a room all cleared out, awaiting the new guest to move in.

**A/N Leave a review and let me know if I should continue!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you so much for all the feedback on the first chapter! It meant so much to me. I hope you all enjoy this one. I'm on break from school next week so I'll get to working on the next chapter then, and I also have an idea for a holiday fic, so keep an eye out for that soon! Now, onto the chapter…**

Skye barely slept a wink. She tossed and turned all night listening to the clock tick and watching her room grow brighter as the sun replaced the moon.

Eventually she gave up, got dressed, and sat in the kitchen area. She had just finished her first bowl of cereal when she grabbed her mug of coffee and stood in front of the two doors that stood beside each other: her room and Grant's room. She thought about how thin the wall was that would be separating them. She wasn't even thrilled when she found out his cell was in their basement. Now he was her next-door neighbor. Why couldn't they send him far, far away?

"Excuse me. I was told to put my things in room number 3, which you are currently blocking."

Skye jumped at the sound of his voice. She hadn't heard him approaching. "Woah, you can't just walk up to me like that!"

He looked genuinely confused. "How else am I supposed to enter a room?"

_You're not_, she thought. _You're supposed to be locked away._

"Never mind." She made a dramatic gesture of showing that the path was now cleared for him, and went back to pour herself some more cereal.

"Why were you staring at my room?"

"I was staring at _my_ room. And since it looks like you'll be staying here for awhile, I hope you- "

"Hello, Grant!" Hunter interrupted, sounding friendlier than Skye had ever heard him. "We've never met, but I'm looking forward to having you onboard." He held out his hand.

Skye watched with her mouth hanging open as Grant stumbled to shift the weight of the box he was carrying into his left hand so he could use his right to shake Hunter's hand, something Ward would have been able to do in one swift move. "Uh, yeah, man…me too." He spoke awkwardly, like he hadn't gone through years of training that molded an agent who spoke with confidence and etiquette. Another difference, Skye noted.

"Grant, I'm May, Melinda May." They shook hands, but Skye noticed that at least May didn't plaster on a fake smile. "It's nice to have you here."

They started making small talk, so Skye backed away to where Fitz was watching from a few feet away.

"This is so weird," she whispered.

"It is…extra…extraordinary circumstances."

"How are you doing this? He hurt you worse than anyone here, and I'm struggling not to punch him in his stupid beard."

"We're trying to look at it like he didn't make any, he didn't make any, uh, mistakes yet. If he can't remember doing it, to him it's like it hasn't happened yet," he said. Then he turned to his side, as he so often did lately, and spoke to someone who wasn't standing there. "Precisely. We could stop him from doing it this time, make him think differently… by being nice, I suppose. That's what Coulson wants."

With that, Fitz grinned and walked over to Grant, where a circle was forming around him to fake-welcome him into the group.

She watched and wondered how to look at someone and pretend something awful they did had never happened. Did the man standing on the other side of the room never kill anyone? Did he never betray anyone? And would she ever be able to pretend those things didn't happen? Pretending something didn't happen wasn't forgiveness; it was denial.

Deep in thought, Skye hadn't even heard Coulson approach her.

"I can practically hear your mind going a million miles a minute."

"Yeah, well…" she just shrugged and looked back at Grant. He was obviously uncomfortable and maybe even a little overwhelmed. Ward never got overwhelmed.

"Go ahead, say it. Last time I tried to keep you from getting involved you hacked into The Hub and convinced Simmons to break all the rules that she loves to follow."

"Well then I'll need permission to speak candidly for the next five minutes. I know you've prohibited us from talking about this again, but I need some answers. I'm not like these people, I can't just turn my emotions off and be an agent."

"Fitz isn't an agent, he's an engineer," Coulson pointed out.

"He's been here longer than me. He understands this more than I do."

He took a deep breath. Skye noticed how tired he looked.

"Because I can see how much you're struggling with this, go ahead. I'll do my best to clear this up for you, but then I mean it, Skye, you're either on board or you're out."

She spoke as soon as he had finished his sentence, wanting to take full advantage of her five minutes of freedom. "I don't know how to pretend nothing happened. He got out of that cell and has a guilt-free conscience. He got everything he wanted."

"Not everything," Coulson said lightly. "All Grant Ward wanted his whole life was a place to belong. That man over there doesn't belong here. He isn't trained, he doesn't know anything we know… he's an outsider once again. Most of all, he's separated from the one source of stability in his life: Garrett. He's physically out of the cell, but mentally? He's locked away from everything that was once able to keep him distracted from the past he worked so hard to forget. I think Grant Ward is hurting pretty badly on the inside."

"So then why do we have to make nice with him? Why can't we just tell him all the awful things he did and make it even worse for him?"

"Well for starters, last time he realized that Garrett was actually bad and it clicked that all the work he had been doing for him was wrong, he tried to kill himself. That tells us that the man we were dealing with wasn't in good mental condition. Now we'll have a chance to see that. He won't be acting or trying to trick us, he'll just be Grant Ward. We'll get to see who he really is, and maybe this time we can help him choose a better path for himself."

Coulson always managed to surprise Skye. His laid back demeanor and jokes could make it seem like he was just making things up as he went along. Then, before you knew it, he'd show the parts of himself that qualified him to be their director.

"Why do you want to help him so badly?"

"If no one had helped me, I'd still be dead right now. If no one had helped you, where would you be?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, when we found you, you were just a computer hacker. Like someone else we know, you wanted to take down S.H.I.E.L.D. Now look at you. You're an important member of our team. You have loyalties now; you're no longer only looking out for yourself. If we had turned you away, it's not hard to imagine that you'd probably be sitting in a cell right now."

"Are you… are you comparing me to Ward?"

"No," he said looking her in the eyes. "I would never do that. Ward's actions were horrific, and he deserves punishment. I'm simply suggesting that if you want to understand this situation better, try looking at it from a different point of view. Just trust me. Your five minutes are up."

00000000000000000000000000000000000000

It seemed like hours before Grant Ward had a moment of silence. Typically he hated silence; he preferred to keep his mind occupied at all times. But small talk with a bunch of strangers wasn't exactly what he was looking for; he needed work to do. After a while, the greetings and the questions all blurred into one seemingly long sentence. "Hi nice to meet you yeah I'm fine no memories but no pain yeah I remember some stuff just not everything no I don't need help unpacking it's no trouble thanks."

He had a chaperone as he unloaded his boxes, people chatted with him over lunch, and then they insisted on giving him a tour of The Bus. They were all perfectly nice people, but it was nearly dark out by the time he had managed to close the door to his room and sit on his bed.

It was almost immediately that images of a well flashed through his mind. He heard the screams, felt the panic. It had barely been one minute before he jumped off the bed and slammed the door behind him. He leaned his head on it and closed his eyes.

"What, did you see a ghost?"

His eyes snapped open to see the one person who did not make any effort to welcome him all day: the angry pretty girl.

"Something like that," he mumbled, making his way to the kitchen for a glass of water. He pretended he didn't see her smiling over how scared he had been.

"Listen, earlier I was in the middle of saying something before the welcoming committee jumped in. I was saying that since it looks like you'll be staying here for a while, I hope…"

She paused and Grant remembered her starting to say that same thing earlier. He had been sure she was going to say, "I hope you fall off of the plane."

"I hope you make yourself at home," she said, almost offering a smile. Almost.

"Thanks." He took a long sip of his water and hoped whatever had made her talk to him would keep working its magic.

As soon as the thought crossed his mind, she headed for her room. He sighed and turned to put his glass in the sink when he heard her clear her throat. When he turned back around, she was hesitating in the doorway.

"Tell me again what you remember."

He shrugged, studying her closely to try to figure out what exactly she wanted to know. "I remember bits and pieces. I just lost all the specific details."

"And Garrett?"

"I remember… the way he made me feel, mostly. I forget a lot of what we did or said together, but I know he saved me. I remember he was the first person to ever genuinely care about me, I guess. He was the father figure I needed."

She crossed her arms and nodded. They looked at each other for a few extra seconds. Grant wondered why he had felt comfortable telling her all of that, this strange woman he didn't remember.

"Was that a good answer? Are you still mad about… whatever it is you're mad about?" he asked, partially joking but also partially serious. Mostly he was just not sure why he cared.

She looked like she was going to say she wasn't mad anymore. He didn't know why she was angry, but he knew he wanted to fix it.

After a moment's thought, she said, "Yeah, I'm still mad."

"At me?"

She smiled rather sadly, shrugged, and said, "I don't know," before closing the door behind her.

Alone again, Grant wandered around until he found the training room they had shown him earlier. He stretched, cracked his neck, and settled in for an all-night work out to keep his mind occupied.

**A/N: I know this is shorter than the last chapter, but I really just wanted to get Grant's first day/reactions/explanations for things out of the way. A bit of trivia: that conversation with Coulson is what inspired this whole story. Hope you liked!**


End file.
